Ask The Losties
by batman008
Summary: This is a fic where you can ask the Losties any question of your choice! UNABANDONED AND QUESTIONS ARE OPEN AGAIN
1. Chapter 1

Lana - Hello all, and welcome to the first part of Ask The Losties!! In this interactive fic, you will be able to ask different Lost characters random questions! This includes survivors, Others, and many other characters, even the dead ones! You may ask a question directed at all, which includes the Lsties standing by, or directed at a single character, whether they are standing by or not. I will now allow the stand-by Losties to introduce themselves:

Jack: Holy crap you guys, I gotta save someone's life right now or I will EXPLODE!!!

Locke: You mean the island will _make_ you explode, Jack.

Jack: Locke, I swear to God if you don't shut up…

Locke: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!!!!!

Jack: I didn't, but now that you mentioned it -

Kate: Guys, could you PLEASE not fight?

Sawyer: Yeah, Doc, let Mr. Clean talk about the island as he wishes. Mr. Clean, let Dr. Quinn blow himself up if he wants to.

Juliet: Hi! I'm here too! **Notices that she is the only one properly introducing herself and sighs** James, introduce yourself.

Sawyer: Hi.

Claire: Me and Aaron are here too.

Charlie: I'm here!!

Desmond: I'm here too, stalking Charlie, brotha.

Everyone: **stares**

Ben: **waves** I'm here with my bunnies!

Hurley: **eating hot dog** I'm here!!!

Sayid: Shannon and I are here as well.

Shannon: I can introduce myself, Sayid! DO YOU THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS? YOU DO, DON'T YOU!!!

Boone: Shannon! Shut up!!!!

Everyone: **agrees**

Sun: My husband and I are here also.

Jin: **says something in Korean**

Lana: Well, now that everyone standing by is introduced, send your questions! I will post a new thing as soon as we get ten or so of them, so wait around! And remember, you CAN ask things to non-stand-by-Losties.

Everyone: **waves goodbye**


	2. Chapter 2 Ben's Obsession and more

Lana: Hey all, it's time for the first REAL chapter of Ask the Losties. We have five questions from Golden-Black Dragon to start us off. First one is for Ben.

Ben: **gulps nervously** Ok….

_**Do you think that you formed your bizarre fixation on Juilet due to your**____**need to replace your mother and Annie?**_

Ben: What?! I am NOT fixated with Juliet AT ALL! **Uncharacteristically lying horribly**

Juliet: What? This is STILL going on? You know, Ben, as of LaFleur, I am with James.

Ben: What? **utterly heartbroken** Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?!

Lana: Oh poor Ben! **Hugs Ben **Ok – next one is also for Ben, also from Golden-Black Dragon.

Ben: **sighs**

_**I think that you're a sadist, I mean you like killing**____**bunny rabbits and making other people suffer without good reason.**___

Ben: Ok – I MAY frequently torture people and kill bunnies, but I assure you that it DOES have a good reason. It all has to do with the way the island works.

Sawyer: Yeah, right. What about making me think that my heart was going to explode?

Ben: I needed you to stay there and not run away!

Jack: You've pulled a lot of DIRTY tricks! And you've killed innocent people!

Locke: Including me!

Ben: I had reasons!!!!

Lana: Ok, enough of this; lets go to the next Q before this turns into a bloodbath. This is for Des from Golden Black Dragon.

Desmond: Yay! I get a question!:

_**You knew that Charlie was going to die needlessly yet you said**____**nothing and you lied to him about seeing Claire and Aaron get rescued? How do**____**you sleep at night, and does Penny know how selfish you are?**_

Desmond: Oh. So not the happy-go-lucky-what's-you're-favourite-color-question that I was hoping for.

Charlie: Wait a minute; you LIED to me? Claire and Aaron never got rescued?

Claire: Well, Aaron did, but I didn't. In fact, I'm currently MIA, maybe even presumed dead.

Lana: I think you're alive.

Claire: Thanks? WAIT! Des, you KNEW that Charlie was going to DIE AND YOU DID IT ANYWAY???

Desmond: Yes…oh, Golden Black Dragon – it is difficult to sleep at night, and no, Penny has no idea.

Lana: **Getting off phone** She does now!

Desmond: **pales** What???

Penny: **running into the room** You let someone DIE???

Desmond: It was so I could see YOU!

Penny: I don't care! That's horrible! I'm leaving you! ***Slaps and leaves* **

Des: Well, that went well.

Lana: Next one is for Claire, from Golden Black Dragon.

Claire: Oh no.

_**Who would you choose out of these 3(well 4 including me*winks**____**roguishly*); Charlie, Desmond or Sawyer (I'm an optional 4th choice)**_

Claire: Well, I don't know you, though I like your roguish wink, Des essentially killed Charlie, as stated before, Sawyer is a jerk, and Charlie, though he's made bad decisions, has always been overall nice to me and Aaron. So I'd have to pick Charlie.

Charlie: Yessah!

Desmond: You know, I AM available now and –

Claire: NO!

Desmond: **sulks**

Lana: Next question is for Locke, from Golden Black Dragon.

_**How can I be as AWESOME as you? *waves a banner saying "LOCKE ROCKS"***_

Locke: Listen to the island, or some other significant force, and trust your instincts. As the LOST writers would say, be a man of faith, and not a man of science. Also – never even think about using Rogaine. And thank you for saying that I am awesome.

Jack: **doing a sock-puppet impression of Locke**

Kate: Stop being a baby, Jack. I think that John's answer was very smart.

Locke: Thank you, Kate.

Jack: STAY OFF OF MY WOMAN!!

Charlie: Won't work, trust me.

Kate: Who says I'm your woman, Jack?! For all you know, I could like Sawyer WAY more!

Juliet: Hey, watch it, girlfriend!

Lana: OK!! Let's move on, please. We now have three from KUROCKSMYWORLD. The first one is for Jack.

Jack: I finally get a question!!

_**You know you won't really explode if you don't get to fix someone**____**right?**_

Jack: How do you KNOW that?? Hmm?? How do you know that doctors won't explode if they don't fix someone? Cuz they do!!!

Kate: Jack, you need to go lie down. Now.

Jack: OK, Mommy. But first, could you shoot yourself so I can fix you?

Kate: No.

Lana: Here's another from KUROCKSMYWORLD. It's for Ben.

_**So what's with the bunnies? You always seem to have one with you. Is it**____**like an obsession or something?**_

Ben: The only thing I am obsessed with is Juliet. WAIT! No, I meant nothing. I am obsessed with nothing. And that includes bunnies. They are merely good test subjects.

Juliet: Please move on Ben.

Ben: NEVER!

Lana: Juliet has a stalker!

Ben: Hey!

Lana: Sorry! Don't kill me! Next question is also from KUROCKSMYWORLD for Locke.

Locke: Shoot.

_**So what's with all this " the island is this," "**____**the island**____**is that"**____**are you like in love with it or something? Maybe get a hobby?**_

Jack: Yeah, Locke! Get a hobby!!!

Locke: I have hobbies, including hunting boar and helping other survivors with their problems. I merely have better listening skills with the island than most do.

Jack: Shut up. Nobody likes you.

Lana: Jack, settle down. The next three questions are from Mrs. JackSawyerSayidDesmond. The first one is for Jack, Kate, and Sawyer.

_**How do you feel about your**____**love triangle?**_

Jack: Well, I don't think there is a triangle. Kate clearly loves me more.

Sawyer: In your dreams, Jack! She totally loves me!!

Kate: STOP IT! I really like them both, and the triangle is hard on me. Its easier to choose Jack, because I haven't seen Sawyer in a few years, but I do like him too.

Jack and Sawyer: What? I thought you loved ME!

Locke: I think the island will help you choose, Kate.

Jack: SHUT UP!!

Lana: I'm a Skate fan myself, but I like Juliet/Sawyer too. Next question, also from Mrs. JackSawyerSayidDesmond, is for Juliet.

_**You do know that**____**Sawyer's gonna leave you for Kate, right?**_

Juliet: **shuffles feet** Yeah, I guessed as much. But James will be with who he wants. I just want him to be happy.

Kate: **sticks tongue out at Juliet **Ha.

Juliet: Don't be catty!

Lana: OK, let's quit before a hair-pulling scratching battle starts. Our final question, also from Mrs. JackSawyerSayidDesmond, is for Ben.

_**Who is Annie?**_

Ben: She was a friend of mine when I was young, and part of the DHARMA initiative. I liked her a lot, and I was sad to see her go.

Lana: Not much is known of her demise, but it is implied that she died during the purge. That's all we have time for today, and we will see you next time. Keep sending in questions!!

Everyone: **Waves**


	3. Chapter 3 Ugly Ben

Lana: Hello! Welcome to chapter three of Ask the Losties. We have twenty questions this time, so this will be painful. I am no longer going to announce the username, so just look on the review page to see which questions are whose. Also – I am so sorry for the wait! I lost my jump-drive. Due to the hiatus, I am taking a few questions out that have been answered in the last few episodes. Our first question is for Ben.

_**Are you crazy now because you were a really ugly kid back in 1977?**_

Ben: What? I was not ugly! Was I?

Juliet: Well, yeah. You kind of were.

Ben: Aww…

Lana: **hugs** I thought you were cute! Next question is for Jack, Sawyer, Sayid, and Desmond.

_**Jack, Sawyer, Sayid, Desmond: Do you like my screen name, MrsJackSawyerSayidDesmond? How much?**_

Jack: Cool. But Kate is better.

Sawyer: I agree.

Juliet: **looks over and snarls**

Sawyer: But with Juliet instead of Kate.

Sayid: I am flattered, but I must warn you. Everyone I love dies.

Shannon: It's true.

Nadia: Yep.

Desmond: Yes! Very much! You know, I am available now that Penny left.

Charlie: Des, you don't even know this person…

Desmond: So?

Lana: Umm…next question. It is for Kate.

_**You should pick Sawyer!**_

Kate: Umm…thanks for the suggestion?

Sawyer: **smirks**

Jack: **pouts**

Lana: Next question is for Jin.

_**How frustrating do you find it that you can't understand what people are saying other than when Sun translates for you? I'm in the same boat with ya buddy, English was my second language too!**_

Jin: You may have seen the last episode. I am speaking English much more fluently now. It is still hard, though. I understand your feelings.

Lana: Wow. I really am amazed at people who learn a second language. I've tried to learn a few, but I'm nowhere near patient enough to do it. Next question is for Charlie.

_**If you hadn't been a part of DriveShaft, what do you think you would have done with your life career-wise?**_

Charlie: Well, if you saw "The Moth", you know that businessman didn't work out too well. If I wasn't into music, I might be…hmm…

Claire: A nanny!

Charlie: What???

Claire: **blushes **Well, you are very good with Aaron, and I think that you would do well as a nanny.

Lana: Aw…PBJ…anyway, next question is for Ben.

_**Will you PLEASE stop your bunny/Juliet obsession! It's ticking me off! Let Juliet be happy with James and let the bunnies live! (sorry Kate)**_

Ben: Gah! I've said that I don't enjoy killing bunnies, and I am NOT obsessed with Juliet! At all!

Juliet: **cough**denial**cough**

Lana: Gosh…we've had so many questions like this. Anyway, next one is for Liam.

Charlie: My Liam?

Lana: Yes, Charlie, your Liam.

_**How do you feel about your loss? I mean, Charlie is so sweet and cute and sexy.. hum.. wait, I mean...We didn't even see you cry or whatever... So? How do you feel?**_

Liam: What do you mean, how do I feel? He was my baby brother! Not to mention the fact that I felt responsible! I told him to leave! I yelled at him! The day the plane crashed was…the worst day of my life…

Charlie: Aw, really?

Desmond: Sorry, brotha.

Liam: Wait…this was your fault, wasn't it? You killed my baby brother!!

Desmond: Um, no?

Lana: MOVING ON! Next question is for Charlie.

_**WHY DIDN'T YOU WALK OUT THE ROOM INSTEAD OF DYING FOR NOTHING? We miss you so much!**_

Claire: **sad face** She's right, Charlie. Everyone misses you so much.

Charlie: Because – I knew that if I opened the door, the sub would flood, and not only would I die, but Des would die too, and that wouldn't be right since he had saved my life so many times. This was, however, BEFORE I found out that he had been lying to me the entire time!!

Lana: Aw…you were my favorite character, Charlie…I miss you too. (However, there are rumors flying around that Charlie has been confirmed to return for season 7. Cross your fingers!)

Ben: I thought I was your favorite!

Lana: You're my favorite _living_ character. He's my overall favorite. The next question is for Desmond.

_**Do you really call your son "Charlie" after Charlie Pace?**_

Desmond: Yes and no. He was technically named after Charles Widmore, Penny's father, but we do call him "Charlie" after the man who saved my life.

Charlie: You named your kid after me, mate?

Desmond: Aye, I did, brotha.

Lana: Awww…that's sweet…next question is for Annie.

_**Who are you? Are you Libby?**_

Lana: Here, I'll just answer this one. Annie is Ben's childhood best friend. She apparently died in the purge. Libby, if you'll remember, was a "tail-y". Next question is for Locke.

_**Are you in love with the Island?**_

Locke: No, I am just in touch with my –

Jack: Feminine side?

Locke: No, my intuition. It's not that I'm in love with the island, I am just more sensitive, so I understand what it means better than most.

Lana: Cool. Next Q is for Sayid.

_**How the heck did you kill a man WITH YOUR FEET?**___

Sayid: Training in the war. Simple.

Lana: Next question is for Richard.

_**Do you have four toes? Is your missing 5th toe the reason you never seem to age?**_

Lana: Wow. This is definitely the weirdest question we've had so far.

Locke: I think they may be referring to the four-toed statue on the island.

Richard: Um, watch the show? I guess it will tell at some point.

Lana: Next question is for Charlotte. (I also forgot to mention that her, Miles, and Dan are on standby…sorry)

_**You love Daniel the way he loved you? Or were you just leading him on?**_

Charlotte: Yes…I did. He really cared about me. He is a very decent man, and you don't see that every day…I did love him…so much.

Lana: Aww….Charaday fluff…Next question is for Daniel.

_**Do you think you can ever move past Charlotte? If so, would you choose me?**_

Dan: Did Des move past Penny when they were apart? Did Sawyer completely move past Kate? No…and I don't think I will for a while either…as for dating outside my "TV dimension", I don't think so…

Lana: Insightful…next inquiry is for the ever-freaky Eloise Hawking.

_**Is Daniel adopted? How come he doesn't quite seem to have that British accent that you have??**_

Eloise: Hmm…I don't feel that the island is ready for me to answer this yet.

Locke: Where have you been all my life?

Lana: Locke, shut up. Anyway, my guess is that Dan was "Raised by Another". Next question is for Sayid, Shannon, and Boone.

_**Homely: *explains the whole -slept with my brother while drunk- thing*. Sayid, how do you feel?**_

Sayid: **faints**

Shannon: **pouts** I want to stop playing the answer game!!

Boone: Um…I'm leaving.

Lana: Wow, that was awkward…anyway, next question is for Charlie.

_**If you could go back in time would you still die for Claire and Aaron, even though Claire didn't leave the island?**_

Charlie: This is a hard question…I would have to say yes, because I'm confident that Claire will eventually get off the island, and Aaron did get off, though I wish he had been raised by his actual mum…**stares pointedly at Kate**

Kate: What was I supposed to do??

Lana: Wow, let's move on, shall we? Next and Last question is for Ben.

_**How can you be so evil and awesome at the same time?**_

Ben: I suppose that it is my boyish charm…**wink**

Everyone: **stares**

Jack: What boyish charm?? You look 53 years old!!

Ben: Actually, I'm supposed to be 43. Michael Emerson, who I've never met, but supposedly looks just like me, is 53.

Lana: Um…yeah…Anyway, keep sending in those questions! See you next time on Ask the Losties!

Hurley: You know, I would really appreciate some questions!!


	4. Chapter 4 Continuation

ASK THE LOSTIES CHAPTER FOUR

Lana: I am an awful person. I let this story get waaaaay behind, but now that Lost is over **sad face** I think the game will be much easier. Go ahead and send in your wonderful questions. Since it's been so long, I think that we should scrap all the more recent questions. If yours still stands, just send it in again and it will be answered.

Jack: Ask me questions about my God-Complex and my inability to stay out of other people's business!

Kate: Ask me questions about my life on the run and my whorish tendencies!

Sawyer: Ask me questions about my nicknames and my kickass Southern accent!

Sayid: Ask me questions about why everyone I love dies!

Shannon: Ask me questions about how I'm Paris Hilton in disquise!

Boone: Ask me about why I put up with Shannon's shit!

Lana: Ask any character any question. Don't be shy, and if it's R-rated, frankly, I dont care anymore!


	5. Chapter 5 After The End

Disclaimer: I do not own LOST or any of its characters. This is a satirical work of fiction and it is not to be taken seriously. I know nothing more about the show than any other die-hard fan, and any statements I make that have not been cleared on the show came from my brain.

Lana: Hello and welcome to the third q/a chapter of Ask The Losties! I'm excited to get this story going again, and I hope that I can get enough questions every time that I can do so. First we have five questions from Girafe13.

_**To Jack: How do you manage to cry in every episode?  
**_

Jack: I – I do NOT cry in every episode! I am very masculine, and I never cry. Ever.

Kate: Um, Jack, Girafe13 is right. You cry constantly. It's... embarrassing.

Jack: **crying** You're mean! And a liar! I never cry! Never! **sob**

_**To Vincent: Woof woof?**_

Vincent: Woof woof, woof woof. Bark woof yap yap woof... bark...

Walt: That... that was beautiful, Vincent...

Vincent: woof woof._****_

To Sawyer: Who would you turn gay for? 

Sawyer: What the hell kind of question is THAT? I am straight as a pole -

Jack: **interrupts** A pole that's been hit by a car, maybe...

Sawyer: Shut up, Sobby McCrys-a-lot. Point is this question ain't applicable on account of how straight I am.

Kate: You have to answer, Sawyer.

Lana: **gives him Veritaserum** (for those who don't read Harry Potter, it's a potion that makes someone tell the truth)

Sawyer: Bernard.

Everyone: **stares**

Bernard: What. The. Hell.

Rose: Stay away from my man, Ford._****_

To Ben: Would you date _**Rousseau**__**?**_

Ben: No, she's not Juliet – I mean not... fat enough. Yep, that's it.

Juliet: **facepalm** ohmygod, Ben, you HAVE TO STOP.

Ben: YOU'RE MINE!

Sawyer: **glares and shakes head**

Ben: I mean, Happy Birthday!_****_

To Miles: Why do you believe in duct tape?  


Miles: What's not to believe in? There's a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Hurley: Dude, it's just like the force!

Miles: Exactly, man.

Lana: Next we have three questions from Unidentified Pineapples.

_**To Ben: Will you marry me?**_

Ben: Are you Juliet?

Lana: I doubt it.

Ben: Then no.

Juliet: I'm not even going to say anything anymore._****_

To Jacob: Why did you have to throw your own brother down a well where he  
ultimately died? How could you?

Jacob: What would you do if your brother killed your mother? I was angry.

Man In Black: I told you she wasn't our real mother.

Jacob: She may not have given birth to us, but she did raise us and care for us. You had no right to kill her.

Man In Black: You had no right to kill me.

Jacob: Just returning the favor since Mother couldn't.

Lana: Okay, let's stop this fight and go on._****_

To The Man In Black: Are you upset that you never got to find out what was "across the sea"?

Man In Black: Very much. I only ever knew the Island, and I was sick of it. Leaving was the only thing I ever wanted, and it was taken away from me.

Lana: Alright, next three are from eyeon.

_**To Jack and Juliet: What about the whole David thing? How did THAT  
happen? I get you were young-there has to be a story there.**_

Juliet: That was a weird parallel universe type thing, so... none of this is true. James, this means that you CANNOT hurt Jack.

Sawyer: But -

Juliet: No.

Sawyer: okay.

Jack: We met in Medical School. We were young, and we went to a party.

Juliet: One thing led to another, and pretty soon we were under an air hockey table and Jack had my bra between his teeth.

Sawyer: I promised I wouldn't kill the guy, but could you please spare the details?

Juliet: Sorry, James. Anyway, Jack convinced me that he knew 'a special trick' so we wouldn't have to use protection, and well...

Jack: My trick didn't work._****_

To Sun: Why didn't you even try to get Jin to save himself and raise  
your daughter?

Sun: But I did! I tried,, pleaded with him, but... after you love someone like I love Jin, you know things about them no one else knows.

Jin: She knew I wouldn't leave.

Sun: Besides, Kate was on the market for surrogate mom now that she found Claire.

Kate: **smiles** I raised Ji Yeon. Well, more like Claire and I ended up raising both Ji Yeon and Aaron together.

Sawyer: Aw, yeah. Kinky.

Kate: Get your mind out of the gutter, Sawyer! We just raised kids together. Purely platonic._****_

To Claire: How did you survive in the jungle all that time, with just Smokey (and was there something going on there?)  


Claire: The same way Rousseau did. Survival instinct. Granted, I ended up borderline insane, but I survived.

Charlie: Wait, what do they mean, 'Was there something going on there'? They're kidding, right?

Claire: You really think – I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

Man In Black/Smokey: Don't deny your love, sweet-cheeks...

Claire: Not now, Smokey.

Charlie: Sweet-cheeks!

Lana: Alright, now we have five questions from Golden-Black Dragon.

_**To Hurley: So why did you make Ben your deputy? Have you not seen the evil stuff  
that Ben's done?**_

Hurley: Everyone deserves a second chance, dude. I know that Ben's like been a major douche to just about everybody, but there towards the end, he did help us. Sort of. And he needed a second chance.

Ben: Thank you, Hugo.

Hurley: He was kind of a crappy deputy, though.

Ben: Never mind._****_

To Man In Black: Are you upset that your evil master-plan was thwarted by a  
doctor with a God-Complex and his ragtag band of misfits?

MIB: Yeah, actually. I never expected the scrawny little crybaby to have it in him.

Jack: I am not a crybaby!

MIB: Yes you are. Anyway, I figure that if I had known what was going to happen, I would have been able to kill the little bitch._****_

To Boone: You do realize that you could've just climbed out of the  
drug-smugglers' plane before it fell on top of you and crushed you to death?

Boone: Yeah, I just... wanted to keep talking on the radio. I thought it might get us rescued.

Locke: The boy never was very smart.

Shannon: agreed.

Boone: Hey!_****_

To Jack: Why do you have this weird urge to fix things?

Jack: Because things need to be fixed. All things. By me. No exceptions._****_

To Jack: Was there ever a time in your life when you were able to switch  
off your inbuilt "SAVIOUR MODE"?

Jack: Not really. See answer above.


End file.
